During the month of June, the issue of same-sex attraction is nearly impossible to avoid. Celebrations of "Pride Month" dominate mainstream news coverage as businesses, social media platforms, government agencies and sports teams proudly display their solidarity with LGBT causes.
At the same time, the teaching of the Church — that people experiencing same-sex attraction are sons and daughters loved by God who are called to live chastely and are worthy of respect — has never been more misunderstood. Catholics who strive to live according to God's plan, especially those who experience same-sex attraction, find themselves navigating a spiritual minefield.
As the Church seeks to engage society on this topic, how does it present this teaching as truly good news? Detroit Catholic interviewed Fr. Peter Ryan, SJ, chaplain of the Archdiocese of Detroit's chapter of Courage, the Church's apostolate to those with same-sex attraction.
In addition to serving as a chaplain for Courage, Fr. Ryan serves as a spiritual director, professor of theology and Blessed Michael J. McGivney Chair in Life Ethics at Sacred Heart Major Seminary in Detroit.
What is the Courage apostolate, and what is your role in it?
Fr. Ryan: I can do no better than quote the Courage website, which says: “Courage members are men and women who experience same-sex attractions and who have made a commitment to strive for chastity. They are inspired by the Gospel call to holiness and the Catholic Church’s beautiful teachings about the goodness and inherent purpose of human sexuality.”
I’m the chaplain of the Detroit chapter of Courage. Perhaps the best way for me to explain how the apostolate works and my role in it is to explain what takes place at a typical meeting.
Ever since the COVID-19 pandemic, our meetings have been hybrids, with some people joining us in person and others through Zoom. Once the members have gathered, we begin with a prayer — a spontaneous prayer, the Our Father, the Serenity Prayer, perhaps the Come Holy Spirit. The very next thing we do is read the five goals of Courage, which tell you quite a bit about Courage.
These goals were created by the members themselves, when Courage was founded. The first goal is “To live chaste lives in accordance with the Roman Catholic Church’s teaching on homosexuality.” There’s no ambiguity here about where Courage stands with respect to the Church’s teaching! Although this teaching is challenging, it is indeed beautiful! For the members to repeat that first goal at each meeting serves as a powerful reminder of their commitment to live beautiful, chaste lives.
The second goal is, “To dedicate our entire lives to Christ through service to others, spiritual reading, prayer, meditation, individual spiritual direction, frequent attendance at Mass, and the frequent reception of the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Eucharist.” Goals three through five speak of fostering fellowship through the sharing of thoughts and experiences to “ensure that no one will have to face the problems of homosexuality alone”; of offering support by forming and sustaining chaste friendships; and of living lives that serve as good examples to others.
After the goals are read, I give a reading, usually from Scripture, along with a brief reflection on it. Although the talk may be on chastity, more often than not it is on some other aspect of the spiritual life. For example, I’ve spoken about St. Ignatius’s Rules for the Discernment of Spirits, and I have also used themes from the part of the liturgical year we find ourselves in.
After my talk, we have a period of round-robin sharing. This is an opportunity for each member to share what’s going on in his life — how he is doing and the struggles he has been facing. I say “he,” because all of the current members of the Detroit chapter are men. But women are welcome, and we would love to have them. If we had enough, perhaps we would begin a separate women’s group — we’ll see! Anyway, the round-robin sharing is an opportunity for each Courage member to learn about others and be known by them.
Here I should emphasize the great importance of confidentiality. I interview each prospective member of the group to make sure of two things — that they will sincerely try to live out the goals of Courage, and that they are willing to commit themselves to absolute confidentiality about what is shared at the meetings and about the identity of their fellow members.
I close the meetings by offering each member the opportunity to offer a very brief prayer. Then we say a prayer like the Memorare, and I give a blessing.
Anyone who would like to learn more about Courage should go to the Courage website. It contains a wealth of very helpful information. Anyone interested in becoming a member of Courage Detroit should call (313) 237-5900 or email [email protected].
In its language, the Church is careful to avoid labeling people as “gay,” “lesbian” or “bisexual,” preferring instead to speak of “same-sex attraction.” Why does the Church avoid these labels?
Fr. Ryan: The Church sees all people as they truly and essentially are — human beings created in the image of God, called to live a chaste and holy life in Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit. To label people who experience same-sex attraction as “gay,” “lesbian” or “bisexual” can distract from that truth and give the false impression that their sexual attractions define who they essentially are as persons.
Of course, some people use those terms simply as a way of indicating that they do experience same-sex attraction and regard it as an important fact about themselves, an aspect of who they are that causes them no shame. And, of course, it is by no means a shameful thing merely to have those attractions. But neither is it something to be proud of, as our contemporary culture would have us think. The Church teaches that the inclination is an objective disorder. We should not find this teaching offensive, for all of us are disordered in various ways, and we need the help of the Holy Spirit to live holy lives despite whatever disorders we might experience.
As the Courage website points out, the use of such labels can draw people into a more secular milieu, which can in turn tempt them to pursue actively homosexual relationships. It can make them more susceptible to embrace the politics of open “gay” activism, which often is at odds with the Church’s teachings on sexual morality.
Are there ways in which the Church — or even individual Catholics — can do a better job of accompanying individuals or speaking about this issue?
Fr. Ryan: You ask a difficult question here! The problem, it seems to me, is that we need to help them by doing two things that can seem to be, but are not really, contradictory. On the one hand, we need to help people who experience same-sex attraction realize that God loves them, as he loves all of us, just the way they are. On the other hand, we need to help them see that yielding to their sexual desires, though very tempting, ultimately will not bring them happiness but misery, because any kind of non-marital sex is at odds with what is truly good for people.
It’s important to help people see what it is about marriage and sexual activity within marriage that is so good, and what it is about non-marital and otherwise illicit sexual activity that makes it so harmful to people. Such an explanation is necessary for people to understand the Church’s teaching on sexual morality, as one theologian puts it, “not as arbitrary and outdated rules meant to spoil their enjoyment and make them feel guilty, but as ever-relevant truths that direct them toward real happiness and away from the burden of real guilt, which is the harm people do to their innermost selves when they follow the lure of their feelings and violate the truth.”[1]
We can show our love to people by communicating with them lovingly, by sending them a note every so often, by appropriate gift giving, and so forth. If we do that in situations that are unrelated to the issue of same-sex attraction, it will be harder for people who experience same-sex attraction to interpret our lack of approval as a lack of love.
Many people are strongly and persistently tempted to commit sexual sins. How can a person who is tempted so powerfully and repeatedly, consistently resist?
Fr. Ryan: Despite the seeming impossibility of such a situation, it is by no means hopeless. Those who are tempted and persistently cry out to the Lord with faith experience the strength they need to conquer temptation by the power of the Holy Spirit. St. Paul repeatedly affirms that by the Spirit’s power, the compulsion of sin can be defeated: “I say, then: live by the Spirit and you will certainly not gratify the desire of the flesh” (Gal 5.16;[2] cf. 5.25); “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set me free from the law of sin and death” (Rom 8.2; cf. 8.5–6); “So then, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh—for if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body you will live” (Rom 8.12–13).
Theologians, pastors, teachers, and parents have the responsibility to bring hope by proclaiming the truth about sexual sin, but always along with the far greater truth that Jesus Christ is Lord! We need to remind people that Jesus never tires of offering us his forgiveness in the Sacrament of Penance. We also need to help them see that we need not live in slavery to sexual sin, for the Lord is infinitely stronger than any temptation, no matter how overwhelming it may seem, and that he fervently desires to communicate that strength to us by sending us the Holy Spirit from the Father.
Our society has designated June as “Pride Month,” which presents seemingly endless pitfalls for Catholics seeking to uphold the Church’s teaching. In many cases, Catholics face enormous pressure — even coercion — from family members, employers, friends and social groups not only to signal solidarity with LBGT causes, but even to actively celebrate acts and ideologies the Church considers sinful. What advice can you offer for Catholics seeking to navigate this difficult terrain?
Fr. Ryan: I would urge Catholics to bear in mind that it is a big mistake to think that we can somehow placate those who are pressuring us to condone the LGBT agenda by making little compromises here and there. Of course, we should never do anything that would needlessly alienate people, but faithfully standing up for the fullness of the sexual morality revealed in Scripture and handed down by the Church through the ages is hardly needless! Not only can we not justify making little compromises with that revealed morality, which is confirmed by reason itself, but even if we could justify making them, they would not be enough to satisfy those who are applying such strong pressure.
The promoters of this agenda will ultimately not be satisfied with anything short of full compliance. We need to speak the truth in love forthrightly, even if this means we will not be accepted by the world and even by members of our own family. Jesus told us that we should expect to be hated by the world even as he himself was (Jn 15:18–21). He also warned us that he did not come to bring peace, but the sword (Mt 10: 34–38)! This does not mean that we should look for fights; we should indeed seek peace, but not at any price. We can’t justify compromising our commitment to the Lord or endangering our salvation and that of others.
Catholics who have friends, family members or coworkers who self-identify as “gay,” “lesbian” or “transgender” may feel conflicted. On the one hand, they know and support the Church’s teaching, but they also feel compelled to express support for their loved ones. Is there a way to do both?
Fr. Ryan: I’d like to begin here by saying something about EnCourage, which is a support group for parents and other loved ones of those who experience same-sex attraction. EnCourage has its own five goals, which are designed to help members grow spiritually; better understand the challenges experienced by their loved ones with same-sex attraction; and relate to them in a loving way, with compassion and truth, bearing witness to the truth that fulfillment is to be found in Jesus Christ through His Body, the Church.
The Archdiocese of Detroit has its own EnCourage chapter, and you can find more about it on the Courage website. Anyone interested in becoming a member of EnCourage Detroit should call (313) 237-5900 or email [email protected].
Back to your question. We should of course love everyone, and that means being genuinely interested in each person’s welfare, no matter how he or she self-identifies. But being interested in the welfare of others ultimately means wanting what is truly good for them, and we do not love them by giving them the impression that we approve of something that is morally wrong and harmful to them. Of course, we should make it clear that we recognize everyone’s inherent dignity, but it’s essential to avoid approving or seeming to approve of things that are clearly wrong, including sexual activity outside of marriage, attempts at marriage between two people of the same sex, and efforts to change one’s biological sex or identify as not being a member of that sex.
Sometimes it’s best to speak up to make it clear that we do not approve, but at other times it’s best simply to maintain a discreet silence. It’s true that silence in certain situations can make people uncomfortable, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It can actually be good for people, and we should be willing to make the sacrifice of feeling uncomfortable rather than trying to smooth things out with a fake approval.
In the Catholic calendar, June is designated as the month of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. How can the Sacred Heart help Catholics struggling with these issues to be better conformed to Christ?
Fr. Ryan: The Sacred Heart is a vivid image of the love of God manifest in Jesus Christ, our Lord. He understands better than anyone else that loving others does not mean lending approval to things that are bad for them, but being willing to sacrifice oneself for their welfare. Despite what the promoters of “Pride Month” would have us believe, the one-flesh union of marriage in this age can exist only between a man and a woman. People who experience same-sex attraction are to be admired when they bear witness to that truth through a heroic life of renunciation and sacrifice. They can take heart in the truth that they, too, are called to the far deeper intimacy of which marriage in this age is but a faint foreshadowing.
Devotion to the Sacred Heart reminds us that Jesus wants to unite us to Himself in the most intimate way possible. He calls us to become one-flesh with him in this age through the Sacrament of Holy Communion and, in the life to come, to share joyfully in his resurrection life. That sharing enables us to participate in the great wedding feast of heaven, where those who remain faithful will enjoy, in Him, unimaginably profound intimacy with the divine persons and with one another.
[1] Grisez, The Way of the Lord Jesus, vol. 3, Difficult Moral Questions (Quincy, Ill: Franciscan Press, 1997), Q. 22, available at http://twotlj.org/G-3-22.html.
[2] New American Bible.
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