Life's tender moments offer a chance to help couples, families grow a relationship with Jesus, rekindle faith, priests say
ROYAL OAK — The flowers. The caterer. The rings. The honeymoon. For a bride and groom, pulling together the details for their wedding day requires effort. Preparing for a Catholic marriage to last a lifetime, however, requires a joint effort with a priest and their parish community.
Weddings provide a unique opportunity for priests to walk with couples as they prepare for marriage. Above all, priests aim to lead a bride and groom to a closer relationship with God and a greater appreciation not just for marriage, but Catholic marriage.
Requirements for marriage preparation vary by parish and a priest’s availability. According to the Archdiocese of Detroit’s website, "Catholic marriage preparation is a focused period of time in which the parish community offers the engaged couple experiences to best prepare for lifelong Catholic marriage."
At St. Mary Parish in Royal Oak, Fr. Paul Snyder is currently preparing 43 couples for marriage. Fr. Snyder meets with engaged couples regularly to help them fully understand the sacrament into which they will enter with God on their wedding day.
“When a couple comes to us seeking marriage, we have a beautiful opportunity to strengthen them in their faith,” Fr. Snyder said. “We’re here to prepare them for the marriage — for a life, not for a day. Jesus doesn’t want to give them a gift for one day, but a gift that they’ll have access to for a lifetime together. Jesus offers them something better than they could ever seek or desire.”
Most couples begin preparation through the parish shortly after getting engaged, giving the priest six months to a year to build a relationship with them. Each couple comes from a different place in terms of their faith journey.
“Every couple is unique. But Jesus wants to bring all couples into the mystery of His love so that they can receive the sacrament. That sacrament then gives them the power to love each other in a more sacrificial way than they could ever do without it,” Fr. Snyder said.
The beauty of the Mass, along with a church’s art and architecture, can pique curiosity in non-Catholics. Guests at weddings often comment to Fr. Snyder on the beauty of St. Mary’s sanctuary or ask questions about the liturgy, which provides an opening to a conversation about faith that might not otherwise happen.
“It speaks to the fact that the Lord touches people’s hearts in powerful ways through occasions like this. You’re coming to a wedding because you love someone and you’re sharing in their joy, so you’re already predisposed to be joyful and hopeful and to celebrate the Lord,” Fr. Snyder said. “We can do things to help the heart open, but it’s the Lord who does it. He is the one who moves hearts.”
Teaching truth
In preparing a couple for marriage, a priest helps the future spouses fully understand the sacrament of matrimony and the vows they are about to make. Discussion includes topics that can be challenging for some, including cohabitation. According to 2019 Pew Research data, 70% of couples in the U.S. live together before getting married.
Couples will also be introduced to natural family planning (NFP); some parishes ask the couple to take an introductory NFP class, and most pre-Cana retreats incorporate a talk on the subject.
Melissa and Kevin Blanchard were married in January 2023 at Our Lady of Sorrows Parish in Farmington. Growing up, both received their sacraments and attended Mass regularly, but hadn’t considered NFP until they learned more through marriage preparation.
“Though I’d heard of it before, when I saw the video (that we watched with our mentor couple) on NFP, I called my doctor and said, ‘I need to get off birth control today,’” Melissa shared with Detroit Catholic. “Hearing about it from Fr. Dave (Tomaszycki), then with our mentors and again at the retreat helped it sink in. It made so much sense to us. And even if you took the religious aspect out of it, it’s a good thing to know your body.”
Fr. Tomaszycki, who served as an associate pastor at Our Lady of Sorrows and then a weekend assistant until last July, met with the couple regularly to prepare them for marriage.
“Being married in the Church was important to us," Melissa Blanchard said. "It’s such a serious commitment, and we wanted it to be a step up from just the piece of paper. We want our marriage to be our souls intertwined.”
Fr. Tomaszycki’s straightforward, yet loving approach helped Kevin be open to the teachings of the Church.
“It feels like Fr. Dave was the priest God meant for us. There isn’t anyone else who could have prepared us as well,” Kevin Blanchard said. “To be honest, I wasn’t expecting anything from marriage prep, but I learned a lot, and it brought us closer together spiritually. We’re a different couple now.”
Since their wedding a year and a half ago, the Blanchards and Fr. Tomaszycki have stayed in touch. After the couple moved to the west side of the state last year, he visited them and blessed their new home and their pets. Now, as they anticipate the arrival of their first child in a few months, they look forward to Fr. Tomaszycki baptizing their new daughter.
Ministering in hard times
While the time a priest spends with family as they mourn the loss of a loved one is brief compared to a couple preparing for marriage, the impact can still be profound. Fr. Bob LaCroix, pastor of Holy Family Parish in Novi, meets with families before a funeral to learn about the deceased, to discuss the funeral Mass, and to pray with them.
“It connects to how I view the mission of the Church. Our mission is to go out, to bring in those who don’t come to church," Fr. LaCroix told Detroit Catholic. "Weddings and funerals bring people who don’t normally come to church and give us the opportunity to help them know Jesus.”
Be it a funeral or a wedding, Fr. LaCroix invites families and couples he meets to attend Alpha, a program the parish has offered for 14 years. Approximately 800 parishioners have gone through the series, which presents the basic Gospel message in a casual setting and often ignites a personal relationship with Christ in participants.
Fr. LaCroix often sees an openness in those attending a funeral.
Several years ago, Fr. LaCroix met with a woman to plan her husband’s funeral. Her sister joined her for the meeting. The two had not been active in the parish before, but through the experience of the funeral and the loss, the Holy Spirit touched their hearts and changed their lives, he says. Both now attend Mass and parish events regularly.
“When we face life and death, the veil between the two becomes thinner. It’s a time that people seek truth about what comes next. They wonder, ‘How do I want to be when I come to this point?’” Fr. LaCroix said. “You can talk about hope and speak into the pain of their loss about what comes next.”
Copy Permalink
