Though emotions range, local priests say families can affect discernment

“May parents, mothers in particular, be generous in giving their sons to the Lord, when he calls them to the priesthood. May they cooperate joyfully in their vocational journey, realizing that in this way they will be increasing and deepening their Christian fruitfulness in the Church and that, in a sense, they will experience the blessedness of Mary, the Virgin Mother.”

— St. John Paul II in his Apostolic Exhortation on the Formation of Priests, ‘Pastores Dabo Vobis’



Detroit — Following the Holy Father’s directive and accepting God’s will is sometimes easier said than done, but what is certain is the important role parents play in their sons’ decision to become a priest.

Fr. Jeff Allan was ordained last June and is in his first assignment as associate pastor at Holy Trinity Parish in Port Huron. He said he decided to get more involved in the faith during his college years. After college, he joined a few Bible study classes and the Knights of Columbus, but he knew there was more the Lord was calling him to do.

“There was a tugging on my heart to discern the vocation to the priesthood back in about 2001,” said Fr. Allan, who sold pharmaceuticals after graduation. “In 2006, the stirring in my heart came back in a strong way.”

His parents, Jim and Louise Allan of St. Robert Bellarmine Parish in Redford, weren’t immediately sold on the idea of losing their only male heir to the service of the Church.

“At the beginning, my parents were very cautious,” Fr. Allan recalled. “I wouldn’t say they were against it, but I think they would have preferred me to have life experience, possibly get married, be a father and give them grandchildren. As the only son, I was the only person to carry on the name.

“They wanted me to experience life so I wouldn’t have any regrets and make sure that this was something I really wanted to do, responding to what the Lord was calling me to do,” he said. “As a result, there were no regrets. I had jobs, dated and did wonderful things before going into the seminary. I feel good about that.”

Jim Allan, the new priest’s father, admits it was a bit difficult at first.

“I was not eager eight years ago when he decided to (enter the seminary). His mom was a little more supportive at the beginning. Selfishly, I wanted grandkids. He’s my only son. But once he was in for a year or so, we were 150 percent behind him because that’s what he wanted to do.”

Jim Allan said it was helpful to have a heart-to-heart conversation with Fr. James Bilot, then the archdiocese’s director of vocations. “I was able to vent a little bit and he said it was good to get those feelings out in the open. It was a period of discernment not only for Jeff, but for us as well. It was pretty exciting last year to see him go from deacon to the priesthood and see family members support him.”

Fr. Allan says his parents, perhaps unknowingly, led him to his vocation via their example. “Growing up, my mom was the prayer example, praying with my sister and me before going to bed every night while my dad was involved in multiple parish activities like being a lector, coaching basketball for 25 years and working on festivals.

“Over time they’ve come to support me a great deal,” he said. “Through my vocation, not through any merit of my own, I think the Lord has brought them closer to Him.”

For parents of priests who come from larger families, carrying on the family name might not be as much of a concern. Often in the past, Catholic families were large in part so one or more of the children could enter religious life if called.

Msgr. Timothy Hogan, the archbishop’s vicar for clergy and consecrated life, is one of 11 siblings of an active Catholic family that often prayed the rosary together.

“My parents played a critical role and were supportive in my answering the call to follow God’s will,” he said. “When my dad and I had ‘the talk,’ it was made clear that religious life was a viable option, as was any other line of work. They were very proud that I followed God’s will. That’s the only way to be truly happy.”

Fr. Charles Fox is the oldest of four children: two boys and two girls. He was ordained in 2006 and served as associate pastor at Our Lady of Sorrows Parish in Farmington, St. Hugo of the Hills Parish in Bloomfield Hills and as Archbishop Allen H. Vigneron’s priest-secretary before joining the faculty at Sacred Heart Major Seminary in 2013.

“My parents played a crucial role in my vocation,” Fr. Fox said. “Their role was much more significant than I think they realize. They never pushed me toward the priesthood; I know they wanted to be very careful about that. They always supported my interest in and pursuit of the priesthood, however, and there were critical ways in which they prepared me to hear and say ‘yes’ to God’s call.

“First, their love for me and for each other showed me what self-sacrificial love looks like,” Fr. Fox continued. “My parents have sacrificed a lot for me, for each other, and for the life of our whole family.

“Sunday Mass was the high point of our week, and after Mass we always made Sunday a family day,” he said. “Honoring the Lord’s Day and celebrating holidays such as Christmas and Easter as real feast days and not just party or relaxation days makes a tremendous difference in living a Christ-centered life.”

Like Fr. Allan and Msgr. Hogan, Fr. Fox’s family’s involvement in the parishes where he was raised, St. Agatha and St. Valentine, both in Redford Township, provided a positive example that helped lead him to answer God’s call to the priesthood.

“My whole family has been very much involved in both parishes over the years,” Fr. Fox recalled. “Both parishes were also extremely important in preparing me for the priesthood.”

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Tim Keenan is a freelance writer based in Farmington Hills.