Fraser — Vicki Tacoma and her husband, Michael, thought they were done raising children. With two grown daughters and a third teenager, it was the furthest thing from their minds, until a mission trip to a Chinese orphanage changed Vicki’s heart nearly “overnight.”

“Just within the first couple days of seeing those kids, and holding them and loving them — I don’t even know how to explain it. I just was changed,” she said.

Knowing God was putting a message on her heart, she and Michael decided they wanted to adopt. But because money was a barrier, the Tacomas turned to another idea instead. With the help of a local Catholic agency, they fostered and eventually adopted a little girl, Abby, now 3, and are currently fostering another local infant.

With more and more local children being referred to Catholic Charities of Southeast Michigan in need of temporary — or in some cases permanent — homes, the nonprofit has launched a campaign to find at least one new foster family per parish in the Archdiocese of Detroit.

“In the Metro counties, the pool of potential foster parents has been pretty well tapped out,” said Argie Lomas, foster care program manager for Catholic Charities of Southeast Michigan.

Children in foster care are generally victims of abuse or neglect whose parents have issues related to substance abuse, mental health or poverty. While the goal of foster care is to eventually return the child to his or her family of origin while the parents seek the appropriate help, that’s not possible in nearly half of all cases, Lomas said, which is sometimes apparent even before the child is placed in foster care.

When a child is not able to be safely returned home, the foster family is asked to consider adopting the child permanently. While that uncertainty can be difficult, the benefits to the child outweigh the sacrifice of the foster parents, said Vicki Tacoma.

“We’ve had (the youngest child) since she was 10 days old, so in our hearts, we want her. It’s very hard (not knowing whether she’ll return to her birth parents), but we’re going into it knowing that we’re doing what God wants us to do, which is to take care of the orphans. These children are orphans, not just in China or Nepal, but right here in our own backyard,” Tacoma said.

Lomas said there isn’t a single profile for the ideal foster parent; just someone with a selfless heart and love to give.



“We have empty nesters who’ve raised their own children and have done very well, people whose children are starting high school or middle school and they’d like a younger child. We’ve had people come forward because their calling or their gift is working with special-needs children. We also have relatives who have come forward and become licensed and take their own relatives,” Lomas said.

Foster care often gets a “bad rap” in the media and on TV, she said, with the stigma of problem children and uncaring guardians. But that’s not the image Catholic Charities wants to portray.

For the kids, what’s desperately needed is stability, Lomas said. Children who enter foster care are often torn from their family, friends, school and community, and such sudden change can be traumatic, especially for older children.

“They lose everything. They lose their parents, they lose their home, they lose their bed, they lose their personal belongings. If they’re school-aged, they lose their friends, their school, their community, that park, that neighbor across the street who tried to compensate for their parent, or maybe the guy at the corner store who always gave them a bag of chips because they knew maybe they were a little neglected. They lose everything, including their extended family,” Lomas said.

“Regardless of what led to their placement in foster care, no matter how horrific the circumstances were, children love their parents. Sometimes they may be frightened of their parents’ behavior, but they love their parents,” she added.

Because of that, it’s important for foster families to volunteer with a sense of commitment and selflessness toward the child’s best interests, Lomas said. While that sometimes might mean dealing with bad behavior, it’s important to view the foster child — even if it’s only a temporary arrangement while his or her parents clean up — as a member of one’s own family. Too often, Lomas said, the temptation of sending the child away when things get rough results in even more instability and stigma, which leads to a vicious cycle of acting out.



“Sometimes kids in foster care get moved, and their belongings get put in garbage bags because that’s the easiest way to haul them off. What is the message that we’re sending to them?”  Lomas said. “Is the message, ‘OK Tamika, you didn’t come home after school today and this is the third time you’ve done it. I’m calling the worker. I’m not going to put up with this?’ For a lot of the kids, it’s like ‘It doesn’t matter what I do, they’re going to move me anyway.’”

Michael Tacoma said his advice for foster parents is to treat a foster child just like you would your own children — discipline and all.

“There might sometimes be the necessity to put the hammer down, so to speak, but sometimes God has to put the hammer down on us, too,” he said.

Lomas agreed. “If we think about our own life, I’m sure we’ve all had times where our parents would’ve liked to see the back of our heads walking out the door, but they had to deal with us,” she said. “It really is making that commitment and being able to persevere with that child, because all our parents persevered with us.”

Lomas said that’s why Catholic Charities is taking a harder look at Catholic parishes for loving, supportive foster families. In addition to the support network a parish can provide a new family, the values of love and forgiveness taught by the Church offer a template for caring for a foster child. Being Catholic isn’t a necessity — such as the Tacomas, who belong to a non-denominational church in Warren — but Lomas said gaining one new foster family per parish would put a serious dent in the growing need.

“All you have to do is look at the teachings of Christ,” Lomas said. “It’s forgiveness. It’s acceptance. It’s embracing and looking at those who are underserved. That’s truly the mission that we have all been challenged with through our faith.”

Asked what role faith played in their decision to foster and adopt their two youngest children, Michael Tacoma didn’t bat an eye: “I’m 51 years old. I have an 8-month-old baby in the house. It’s all faith.”