'Love Beyond Measure' date night allows married, engaged couples to explore the beauty and prudence of Church's wisdom
ROYAL OAK — A dozen couples gathered at St. Mary Parish in Royal Oak to learn more about the science behind natural family planning, but also its spirituality.
The “Love Beyond Measure: Mini Date Night” was a chance for couples to spend a night out of the house, enjoy some wine and snacks, and learn how natural family planning strengthens Catholic marriages, said Nicole Joyce, deputy director of the Archdiocese of Detroit’s Department of Evangelization and Missionary Discipleship.
“Our goal here is to offer engaged and married couples a chance to learn about the different methods of NFP so they can determine the best one they would like to use,” Joyce said. “We also want to give those already using NFP some little nuggets, little wisdom they can share with other married couples about using natural family planning.”
The night coincided with the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops’ Natural Family Planning Awareness Week, July 21-27, which celebrates God’s design for married love and the gift of life, raising awareness about the health and spiritual benefits of natural family planning.
The event was designed for couples who are using, or are about to use natural family planning in their marriages, answering questions couples might have or reviewing and reaffirming practices married couples are already using, Joyce said.
“I think one of the biggest misconceptions about NFP is that it is not scientific and it’s not effective or is less effective than hormonal contraceptives,” Joyce said. “These couples (heard) from speakers who know the research and studies showing it is just as effective, if not more, than hormonal contraceptives, in addition to being aligned with the Church’s teachings on marriage and sexuality.”
Lauren Vitale, who has been teaching the Marquette method since 2017 and teaches NFP classes in Metro Detroit, spoke about the history of natural family planning, how it differs from fertility awareness, and why couples over the years have used NFP.
“Natural family planning was a term coined by the National Institutes of Health for methods where you can monitor your fertility and change your behaviors to avoid or achieve a pregnancy,” Vitale said. “The Catholic Church did not come up with the term natural family planning; it was a research term used by the scientists who developed it. It is really a specific term for the methods used to have a baby. We’re talking about a specific, scientific, researched-based term.”
Vitale then delved into the misconceptions surrounding NFP, emphasizing the importance of using the method correctly. For example, women who daily take and monitor their temperatures and other habits might still miss crucial elements of the NFP charting and observation process that could reduce the success rate of NFP, she said.
“There are lots of reasons for one to use NFP; it could be because the Catholic Church says it’s the only way to avoid a pregnancy, or it could be because you want to have a baby and increase your chances,” Vitale said. “Either way, to use NFP properly, you have to do the work; you can’t just set it and forget it.”
Vitale explained various methods of NFP, as well as the benefit of taking NFP courses and maintaining communication with an NFP coach, as well as other health benefits associated with natural family planning.
Vitale emphasized the role NFP can play in bringing couples together, as both husbands and wives need to be invested in the process and sharing with one another.
“NFP isn’t just the science. It isn’t just collecting or observing data. It’s the communication back and forth,” Vitale said. “If you are avoiding pregnancy, talk to each other. (Ask) ‘How is abstinence going?’ If it’s rough, ask how you can love each other during this time of abstaining. If you are trying to have a baby, ask, 'Are we getting enough sleep? Ae we taking care of our bodies the way we’re supposed to?’”
Open and honest communication between partners is the only way for NFP to be successful, Vitale added, and that's one of the biggest benefits.
“If you want to grow muscles, you have to work out. If you want to be holy, you have to work out the muscles of holiness,” Vitale said. “Marriage is a sacrament that is going to help you get to heaven. In your marriage, you will find all sorts of things that will help you grow in holiness, and one of those things can be NFP. You have the opportunity to grow in virtue as husband and wife — it may not seem like a benefit when living it, but just know you are going to see that benefit, and it will bear fruit.”
Napoli Beachnau works as a natural family planning educator in Metro Detroit and spoke about how NFP helps women better understand their bodies beyond fertility.
“Something that I’ve learned over the years practicing NFP with my husband is there is an incredible sacramentality to our bodies,” Beachnau said. “What your chart tells you is not only your cycle or your health, but how beautiful and intentional Our Creator has created our bodies. Depending on what method you use, all of those to some extent give you a great understanding beyond your fertility but understanding your gynecological health. Just by charting, you can understand more about what is going on in your body.”
Natural family planning also encourages a closer communicative relationship between husband and wife, to make fertility less of a “his or her” process, as Beachnau put it, but more of an “our process.”
“That’s the beauty of communication, the preparation of two becoming one,” Beachnau said. “It can be the most beautiful, sanctifying way of becoming one. It really is that it takes that two becoming one, and applies it more than anything.”
