DETROIT — This week, families from across the Archdiocese of Detroit are gathering together to celebrate Christmas, spending the holiday with family and friends.

Christmas conjures up memories of the family dinners, opening presents and sharing stories with family members young and old. While such memories are cherished, for some, they might also bring reminders of pain, loss and bereavement.

For the recently widowed, as well as those whose spouses and have long since passed, the holidays can be a difficult time. It’s for those times of loneliness, doubt and sorrow that the Widowed Friends group exists.

“The Widowed Friends has been beneficial to people experiencing the loss of a spouse, of learning to live alone again, to go through that pain,” said Rose Patterson, director of Widowed Friends, a support and companionship group for widows and widowers in the Archdiocese of Detroit.

“Losing a spouse is like losing an arm or a leg, that support that you lean into,” Patterson said. “I’ve lost both a child and a husband, and it’s as if a big claw has reached into my body and tore out my heart.”

Patterson said the pain and sense of loss never fully “goes away,” but Widowed Friends is there to help those dealing with loss.

“When people come to Widowed Friends, there’s a feeling you know these people have been where you are right now,” Patterson said. “It’s a feeling of acceptance. That it’s OK to cry, it’s OK to laugh. The hardest thing is finding a place where you fit in.”

Widowed Friends organizes activities and events for members, who total more than 800 across the Archdiocese of Detroit. St. Kenneth Parish in Plymouth and St. Michael Parish in Sterling Heights host special Masses for Widowed Friends every second Sunday of the month, in addition to breakfasts and lunches the group hosts when new members are welcomed.

Sandy Steakley, events coordinator for Widowed Friends, had a difficult experience the first time she attended one of the group’s Masses.

“It was terrifying at first; I knew Rose, but when I went to Mass at St. Columban Church in Birmingham, I was 59, and my husband had a sudden death,” Steakley said. “I was afraid, and I walked in, seeing all these elderly people. Realizing that this was my life, I went home and cried.”

That difficult first experience pushed Steakley away for about a month or so, before Rose invited her to a lunch event, where she felt more comfortable.

“It’s very hard the first time to step out,” Steakley said. “I knew this was something I needed, but that first time was difficult. I have very close family, but they have their own lives. I discovered this was really what I needed. I needed to be among people who knew what I was going through.”

The group reaches out to parishes with notices in bulletins, hoping to reach out to those recently widowed who are looking for people with a common connection.

In 2002, Gerry Crowe had recently lost her husband and saw an article in her parish bulletin about the group.

Crowe said the group addressed the spiritual and social aspects of dealing with a loved one’s death, and found comfort in being available to others who were experiencing loss.

“It’s very comforting typically when someone is newly widowed to let them talk,” Crowe said. “We give them our phone numbers in the newsletter and they are free to talk to us whenever they want. Sometimes all they want is someone to listen.”

Since her husband died, Crowe said she became a “hyper-Catholic,” and the spiritual reflections the group offers were important to her, especially when coping through the holidays.

Now she enjoys being a listening ear for people who need to talk, a way to give back to the group she says she benefited from so much.

“The biggest benefit is being able to pay back,” Crowe said. “Widowed Friends helped me so much at the beginning of my journey. We’re all volunteers. It’s a really wonderful group, and Rose, Sandy and I try to keep it going.”

Widowed Friends has grown so much in its 14-year history that it has broken into four geographic regions, each with its own activities and ministries. But the mission remains the same: Showing that life has still a lot to offer, and that grieving for a loss does not mean being lost in grief.

“Learning to walk again on your own can be a long journey,” Patterson said. “We work hard to give people what they need, be it support, education or access to experiencing new opportunities for travel and activities. There is so much that we do with very little to work with. But it’s been a life-saver for a lot of people.”

 

---

Widowed Friends

Visit www.widowedfriends.org to learn more about Widowed Friends and its opportunities for fellowship and guidance.