Do you pray with your spouse? During quarantine, archdiocese to teach couples how

Three-part webinar starting tomorrow will help couples overcome awkwardness of shared prayer, longtime couple says

DETROIT — Quarantine has changed home life for many families, as roommates and couples spend more time together than perhaps ever before.

For some families, this can be a good thing, but for others, it might present unique difficulties.

For Signe and Ken Castel, directors of the Archdiocese of Detroit’s Couple Prayer Series Ministry, a key part of maintaining a healthy relationship — in quarantine or out of it — is communication. And an important part of communication for Catholic couples is intentional prayer together.

For three weeks, starting tomorrow, May 7, the couple of 44 years will be leading a “Praying as a Couple” webinar, aimed at helping couples kick-start their prayer life together.

The Castels normally host a six-week program, but instead condensed it to create a 3-week program accessible online during the continuing COVID-19 crisis. Each session will run approximately 45 minutes, with a 30-minute presentation followed by questions and answers. Participating couples will be given prayer exercises to work on in-between each session.

The first session will take place from 8:30 p.m. to 9:15 p.m. Thursday, May 7. Couples can register here.

Praying together before bed, during meals or when a spouse leaves the house are ways to incorporate simple daily spirituality into a marriage, especially during the COVID-19 lockdown. (Naomi Vrazo | Detroit Catholic)

The idea is to help couples become more comfortable offering prayers of petition and thanksgiving out loud in front of their spouse, Ken Castel said.

“As Catholics, we fall back on rote prayer and all that we were taught,” Ken said. “This seminar helps even couples who are praying together in traditional Catholic ways to get comfortable praying from the heart, like our Protestant brothers and sisters do so easily.”

Signe said she and Ken have been praying together for more than a decade, but it wasn’t always the case. While both had strong individual prayer lives, she said she felt a disconnect in her relationship with Ken.

After participating in a couples’ prayer seminar, the Castels learned to work through the initial awkwardness and found an intimacy they never expected.

“I can tell you that it was in those first couple of weeks that we realized how crippled or impaired we were in our communication skills with each other,” Signe said. “It became very, very clear as we very gently and slowly started praying together — it was a very powerful experience for us. There was just a gentleness and joyfulness between us, but it was all just revealing who we were to one another in a new way, and the more we knew, the more we loved each other.”

The Castels now try to pray together every day, whether in the form of a blessing when one person leaves the house or a prayer as they wind down for bed at night.

Aaron and Mary Wilkerson, parishioners of St. Michael the Archangel Parish in Livonia, share a moment together. Many couples have more time than ever to pray, providing them a chance to strengthen their marriage through communication and shared spirituality. (Naomi Vrazo | Detroit Catholic)

“It creates a new level of communication,” Ken said. “It does amazing things for relationships. We all understand when two or more are gathered the Lord shows up. By getting a glimpse at what your spouse fears or where their joys in life lie, it really gives you a much deeper understanding as to who they are.”

Knowing how to pray as a couple can be particularly useful during quarantine, Ken added.

“Some couples are finding it surprisingly challenging, especially those who may have thought they got along well until they were locked under the same roof 24/7 for 7-8 weeks,” Ken said.

While many couples cite a lack of time to pray together, Ken said the COVID-19 crisis has provided plenty of that.

While being around one’s spouse 24/7 might be an interruption to one’s usual routine and infringe on personal space, couples can also use the time to take greater responsibility for their shared spiritual lives, said David Grobbel, a marriage support specialist with the Archdiocese of Detroit's Office of Marriage and Family Life.

Quarantine, Grobbel said, can “help couples learn more about how to activate their sacrament and God’s power in their marriage. It creates a real intimacy — you see your partner more in a gentle light.”

For the Castels, praying together has strengthened their marriage beyond anything else they could have tried.

“I know there are people out there who think their marriage is good, but you don’t know how good it can be until you let yourself be vulnerable with your spouse in praying together,” Signe said. “It is the most practical and effective way to put God first at the center of your marriage.”

Marriage support resources

The Praying as a Couple Webinar will take place on Thursdays, May 7, 14 and 21 from 8:30 p.m. to 9:15. Register for one or more of the sessions online.

The archdiocese’s Office of Marriage and Family Life is also offering couple-to-couple mentoring over Zoom, and “Virtual Romantic Date Night” ideas, including recipe ideas, discussion starters and entertainment options.

For more information, call David Grobbel at (313) 237-5894 or [email protected].