Ministry teaches those who’ve lost to rely on sacraments for healing, hope

Plymouth — Both John and Sandy O’Shaughnessy know that when healing from the loss of a loved one, the journey is best guided by one who has been there.

In 1998, John lost his first wife, Ann, to lung cancer, leaving him a widower with two young sons, Eric and Collin. In 1999, Sandy lost her mother, and later her husband, David, in 2000, leaving her alone to raise her two small children, Morgan and Ryan.

John and Sandy came to meet each other many years later while working at the New Hope Center for Grief Support in Northville. Sandy was the outreach and special events coordinator at the time, and John was a volunteer at the center.

“I got to know John because he was one of my volunteers,” Sandy said. “But we really only just ‘knew of’ each other. We weren’t close friends.”

In 2007, John wrote “The Greatest Gift: A Return to Hope,” which shared about his life with Ann, the process of grieving after her loss, and his journey to a newfound hope. When advertising an event to promote the book, he sent a general message to every single person on his email list, which included Sandy.

Sandy sent a cordial “I would love to come” email back in reply. But on March 30, 2007, John asked her to lunch.

“I know it was March 30 because David died on March 30, 2000,” Sandy recalled.

On Nov. 7, 2009, the two were married by their pastor, Fr. John Riccardo, at Our Lady of Good Counsel Parish in Plymouth.

Because of their experiences, John and Sandy were aware of a need for a better grief support system for Catholics in mourning. After speaking with Fr. Riccardo, they knew they were meant to do something for grieving Catholics — though they didn’t anticipate founding their own Catholic grief ministry.

Their first “Grieving With Great Hope” workshop was held in October 2011, and was attended by about 80 people. From that point, their ministry blossomed into what is now called Good Mourning Ministry.

“The workshops are prayerful, practical and personal,” John said. “We become ‘one of them’ when we share our testimonies. They feel validated because ‘you get what we’re going through.’”

The workshops are held either over a weekend or the course of five weeks, meeting one night a week. The O’Shaughnessys structure the workshops to address the many different components of grief, including the spiritual and psychological. They also include informal small groups for attendees who suffered similar types of loss.

John explained that the workshops spend one-third of the time in church, and give participants the chance to spend time in adoration as well.

“I think we as Catholics don’t grieve well,” Sandy said. “We think prayer will get us through. We’ve realized that we forget how important and healing the sacraments are in times of loss.”

Not only do John and Sandy have their faith, but they also have their educational backgrounds in grief support. John is a certified grief counselor, and Sandy has her master’s degree in pastoral ministry/bereavement from Madonna University.

“Pope Francis says ‘we must accompany people, we must heal their wounds,’” John said. “We want them to know that we’re leading them to Christ the great healer. This has enriched my faith a great deal — this is what we’re supposed to do.”

After starting this ministry, the O’Shaughnessys found that they pray together more, attend daily Mass more frequently, and read the Bible more.

Sandy said that even in the midst of what she termed as “truly hell” in the loss of their first spouses, “God had a plan. Even in times of challenge and strife, he had a plan.”

Having served about 450 registered people within the last two years, and with countless other lives touched through them, John said they can never know the exact impact their ministry has had.

“Our ministry reminds us of the communion we have with those we have lost,” Sandy added. “Not that we shouldn’t grieve, but that hope that we will be reunited.”

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To find out more about Good Mourning Ministry, including grief support resources, links and workshops, visit www.goodmourningministry.net or call (734) 259-9122.