Entrust pain to Jesus, who 'makes right everything that seems wrong,' archbishop says during Pregnancy and Infant Loss Mass

DETROIT — When Meghan Johnson was about 10 weeks pregnant, she and her husband, Perry, learned their baby had mosaic trisomy 13, a devastating chromosomal defect.

Owen Francis had an extra chromosome 13, and while there was a possibility Meghan would carry him full term, she delivered him stillborn when she was 16-weeks pregnant.

“He was perfect from the outside. You wouldn’t have known there was anything wrong after delivery,” Meghan Johnson said. “It’s been a rough go the past couple months.”

She and her husband grieve in different ways, but their faith helps them get through the day.

“You question why him and why us, but it’s brought me closer to God,” Johnson said. “You can pray for him and think about him, but not having your baby to hold and to have a plan cut short doesn’t go away.”

Over the past several months, Johnson has surrounded herself with her faith by going to church and praying for Owen. She and her family also visit the Solanus Casey Center to pray for Owen’s little soul.

“That brings me peace and comfort,” she said.

Johnson worked for the Archdiocese of Detroit from 2010-16 and remembered learning about the annual Pregnancy and Infant Loss Mass from her co-worker Nicole Joyce, who also has lost three children and coordinates the Mass, which was held Oct. 6 at the Cathedral of the Most Blessed Sacrament in Detroit.

As the natural family planning coordinator for the archdiocese, hearing couples share their story has been spiritually healing for Joyce. Oftentimes, she said, when a family loses a child through miscarriage, stillbirth or even as an infant, there is an awkward pause with people in Catholic circles because people don’t always know what to say.

“They hurt for you and share in your grief, but they don’t want to say the wrong thing, so they think it’s better to say nothing,” Joyce said. “That can hurt more for some people. The grief never goes away. You always have it with you, but it’s been important to us, as a family, to come and say, ‘We’re still a family and we carry this memory with us.’”

After the birth of her first son, Joyce suffered a miscarriage at about 11 weeks into her pregnancy. She and her husband, Russell, went on to have three more children, but after their fourth child was born, she had another miscarriage at about 11 weeks and then delivered Max Kolbe at 16 weeks' gestation. Nicole and Russell Joyce have been attending the Mass since 2013.

When the time came for this year’s Pregnancy and Infant Loss Mass, the Johnsons and Joyces gathered in prayer with other Catholic families at the cathedral to support those desiring a baby and to remember those who have been lost. Archbishop Allen H. Vigneron celebrated the Mass and expressed during his homily that the Church is blessed to have the families gather and bring their deepest and most personal longings to the altar. 

“Your presence here, as you bring these intentions of your heart, is a witness to your faith,” he said during his homily. “With these intentions, you acknowledge that the God of all creation is the Lord of your life, and you look to Him to make right everything that seems wrong. And, your petition is the petition of a disciple; a petition that says, ‘Lord, you can do everything, and Lord, I know that you love me, and you always hear my prayer. If you answer in a way that doesn’t exactly fit the expectation of how I framed my petition, I trust you still love me.’”

After the Mass, families came forward to write their baby’s name in the Book of Innocents, which will stay near the tabernacle at the cathedral year-round. Anyone who was unable to attend the Oct. 6 Mass but wants to add a name to the book is welcome to visit the cathedral and add a name.

Joyce said she hopes those who have experienced loss know they are not alone in their journey, and it’s OK to grieve.

“Jesus took all of our suffering to the cross,” Joyce said. “Don’t lose sight of your faith in light of your grief. Bring your grief with you.” 

She also wants Catholics who have not experienced loss to recognize the importance of praying for the children lost by other couples. 

“We rest on the hope and promise of salvation and eternal life,” Joyce said. “I want Catholics everywhere to feel like they can support this smaller community even if they haven’t experienced it.”